


Parsimonious

by CaffieneKitty



Series: Conversations [12]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst and Humor, Conversations, Dialogue-Only, Drunkenness, Episode Related, Episode: s04e04 Metamorphosis, Gen, Mythbusters reference, Sam Has Issues, a smattering of hubris
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-10-16
Updated: 2008-10-16
Packaged: 2017-12-28 00:41:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/985592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaffieneKitty/pseuds/CaffieneKitty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam tests an old saying.</p><p><i>Timeframe:</i><br/>Shortly after Metamorphosis (4.04) sometime.<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	Parsimonious

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: The original impetus of this, the "can't cry if you are drinking something" adage, may not be as well-known as I thought it would be. I couldn't locate a reference or quote on Google. Nor could I find the definition I'm thinking of for parsimonious. I fail at Google today. :-P
> 
> _Originally posted on Livejournal October 16, 2008_

"Hello?"

"Heeeeeeey! Deeeeeeeeeeean!"

"...Sam?"

"Thash me!"

"Sam, where the hell are you?"

"Mythbushters."

"...is that the bar you're at?"

"'S a TV show, Dean. Tests 'n' stuff."

"I know it's a TV show, moron. They blow crap up."

"'S scientiffical 'n all."

"But you're not on Mythbusters, right?"

"Nuh. M'doin' it freelance."

"...You're blowing things up?"

"M'testin' a whatsis. Adage."

"You're drunk, Sam. Where are you?"

"'S not the right question, Dean. Gotta ask "Wha's th' adage?""

"Okay, fine. What's the 'adage'?"

"Adage I been testing's th'one that says, "You can't cry when you're drinking something." Feel like crying, drink something, anything you want, don't cry. Yup."

"Uh hunh. So you're drunk in a bar somewhere crying."

"Not crying. _Drinking._ Adage works great. 'S _confirmed._ Woo!"

"What bar are you at Sam?"

"Wanna know why I'm testin' it, Dean?"

"Not really, but I'm sure you're gonna tell me."

"'Cause _God hates me._ "

"Sam-"

"Nope. God hates me. You said. Yer angel wants to smack me."

"He wants you to stop being a frigging _idiot_ , Sam! And God just wants you to stop what you're doing, I never said He hates you!"

"Yup. He hates me so mush, sooooooo much, He sent an _angel_ to get my brother out of Hell."

"That's ridiculous. If God, or angels, or whatever, if any of them _hated_ you, they'd, I dunno, fire a lightning bolt at you or blight your crops or something."

"Noooo, nuh uh. There's a word. Parshl- Parzmn- Persimonyoo- Parsimonious."

"...Parsimonious? Is that the word? Or are you still working on it?"

"Nuh. Parsimoooonious. Means God don't smack you himself, he brings your brother back from Hell to do it for him."

"Listen, Sam, I-"

"I tell you what, Dean. I tell you what. You can beat the _crap_ outta me if you want. Or if yer angel says to. Or if God says to. Don't care."

"I'm not gonna beat the crap out of you, Sam! Just-"

"Don't care. Beat me up. Any time. It's still worth it. Worth ev'ry secon'."

"...Sam..."

"'Cause I got it figured out now. If what I was doing, if tryin' to use this demon psychic crap for good was soooo bad that God hates me, and had you brought back from Hell to smack me around 'cause of it? S'all worth it. Alla the headaches an' Ruby an' everything. Do it again any day."

"Do it again? Do _not_ tell me you're getting evil bitch lessons from Ruby again!?"

"No, no, no!"

"Well, good."

"Not _now._ "

"What? Sam, if-"

"Yer not in Hell, see? But if you die? If you go 'way again, Dean? I can make God hate me again. Really, really hate me. And then He'll bring you back!"

"...Sam, you- you can't... You're drunk. You aren't making sense. That's crazy."

"'S awesome. 'S _perfect_. You'll never ever die forever, Dean! 'Cause I can _make_ God bring you back!"

"Sam, okay, Sam, just- just shut the hell up, alright!? You're drunk, and, and you are _seriously_ frigging nuts. God doesn't- I don't even- Look, I'm coming to pick you up. Where are you?"

"Some bar. Uhhhh... dunno whash called. Big fish onna wall. Hey, you there, guy? Where am I? ... 'S the Carp Hole. Hey, thas cute! Carp Hole. Haha!"

"Okay, I'll find it. Do not go anywhere, you hear me?"

"Yep! Hear ya! 'S great to hear ya, Dean!"

"I'll be right there. We'll get you back to the hotel to sleep it off and you'll forget all about _all_ this crap in the morning."

"Hey! Hey, know what this means, Dean?"

"That you need to get your puking over and done with before you set foot in my car?"

"God made your angel bring you back 'cause of me 'n my psychic crap. So I _did_ getcha outta Hell after all! Ha!"

"Sam... just... go puke, Sam."

"Okay!" _*click*_

"... _dammit_ Sam..."

\- - -  
(thash all *hic*)


End file.
